Black Balloons......

Today is the end of May the 31st, 2008.....

The transition of settling in the last few days at home have been pretty seemless. Still taking it easy per the doctors orders, only doing mundane things such as laundry. I did however go and see the girls at BBY for our last luncheon. The new owners take over on Sunday. I will stay on the schedule and see how it goes. I desperately need to catch up after this trip. The girls were so excited to see me. I have such awesome friends. They have been so supportive. I missed them just as much as they've missed me. I brought the cake with "Thanks for the Memories" written on it, as you can see below. Very festive. It was truly bittersweet. The end of BBY. AWWWWWWW...We all hope to see some positive changes in the future. It's been a great 12 yrs for me over there. Priceless!!!


I left BBY to run some errands. I got a call from Lisa telling me she was worried about her progesterone intake thinking that it's not enough. She rushed to her old REs (reproductive Endocrinologist) and they told her she was low. I then called my RE to tell them I was back from Czech and to see if I should take another progesterone and also ask if they would do my pregnancy test on Thursday June 5th. Of course they are so accommodating and said "YES", they would do that for me. (If only they were cheaper, you know I would have stayed here in the states and continued my treatment with them) The nurse told me to take another progesterone.

I went to Trishs and all of a sudden I was feeling very crampy. I then went straight home and did the progesterone as directed. I noticed a little spotting. Nothing to be too panicky about as it looked like old blood which is common for IVF patients, being that the treatment is so invasive. Yesterday was 8 days past 5 day transfer. (BIG SIGH)
DH came in and I told him what was going on and he was a little worried. He mentioned I should call Craig (our ivf company handling our treatment overseas) Craig reminded me that it's normal to have some spotting. Also, to keep taking the Prednisone (anti-rejection) So I didn't fret much, just layed down and rested. And Prayed..And Hoped...And Dreamt..And Worried....

It's with a Heavy Heart & Burning Tears that I announce to you all that it is truly over. My cycle started very early this morning. It's not just spotting any longer. I cannot deny it. I cannot continue to look on the internet or call the Doctor for a different answer other than the one that I know in my heart to be true. I will not make the scheduled June 5th pregnancy test. None of those Beautiful Blastocysts implanted.

I've been kinda numb all day. Partly stunned. I did go straight out to rollerblade to get some anger out, which I did, but the anger quickly turned to tears that I could not stop. My own personal defeat. It's not anything I can really explain. I only feel it within the depths of my soul.

This has been such a whirlwind..I mean I just got home. This whole mess has taken it's toll. This whole last treatment has caused stress on my marriage, emotions, and finances. I honestly don't know where to turn at this moment. I do not know which direction to pursue. End the quest for Motherhood? I surely do not know.

I will take the rest of the day to myself.
I intend to have a blown out Pity~Party for myself and unfortunately none of you are invited.

I realize that this blog has been something only a Mother, Sister, Aunt, Cousin and a few Best Friends could love, but honestly without your never ending support and continued love it wouldn't have been the same journey for me. Obviously we all wanted a different outcome, but it's not to be. I don't know why. Do not cry when you see me. The phone is off. I just need a few days.
(mom I'll be fine & I love you)

Love always, everyday, all day,

Jennifer

Home Sweet Home!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......There is no place like home!!

We got into Miami on time at 2:10 p.m. yesterday (Wednesday) Actually arrived a little early. The flight was Fab!! We ended up getting first class on the 777, which I've only worked, never got the pleasure of flying as a passenger, of course until yesterday! All you do is eat and drink for 9 hours.....It's too much but I guess that is what the first class passengers value the most. It was subperb. I happened to know one of the flight attendants, which kinda made it even a little more special.:)
The ride from Zlin to Prauge actually took 4 hours. We thought we would be late to our first flight, but we made it in the nick of time. Those European drivers are CRAZY!! You think I drive fast?? Ha-I got nothing on those people!!! We flew to London and stayed the night. Conrad, Lisas husband took me with them to see his grandmother on the outskirts of London to a town called Balcombe. Sooo beautiful. His grandmother is in a care home.Her name is Peggy and she is 97. This home was made for a woman by her lover many moons ago. It's unbelievable. If you look staight to the picture her room actually is to the right on the bottom. There are 40 rooms for the elderly. Spectacular. The picture of myself is in one of the sitting rooms. The other is a fountain with little cherubs. Cute!!!



**This page is mostly just a wrap from the last few days, including some pics I thought you all might like***
The visit was quite special. We then went and had the normal fish & chip dinner at a local pub. I definately would like to spend more time in London, eventually.

The next picture below is outside the Catholic church in downtown Zlin after mass on Sunday. Then we have myself in a feeding frenzy. This particular dessert was called Hot Love. Warm raspberries with ice cream and whip cream...YUMMY!!! These group of women are all in the same boat of IVF together. We were lucky to have had dinner a few times to talk about the ups and downs of IVF and our daily excitements and challanges. They were great!!!

On our last day we went over the border of Slovakia just so we could say we did. Then on the return we stopped at a cemetary. Check out the landscaping on these plots. I could hardly believe my eyes on how well they are taken care of.



Then of course you can see that Jesus is EVERYWHERE. And I mean Everywhere. Along the road, in the church, on the sides of houses, in the park, in the fountain. Really everywhere!!! These next shots are still at the same cemetary. It was overlooking a valley. Very beautiful. You can see the difference between the older cross of Jesus and the newer one. The moment gives one a sense of reflection.

These plots include whole families. Aren't these gravesights amazing?? My own Grandparents don't even have that! Of course the trip wouldn't be complete without a little Greek dining. Soulvaki, MY FAVORITE!!! I'll have to work on finding a place to eat this favorite dish on my own turf:)

Yummy, Yummy for my Tummy!!!! It's so funny. You can be a million miles from home and still find a KFC and a McDonalds. Both very poplular here in the Czech. Not forgetting finding the little Greek Diner....LOL Awwwwww




Can you believe these are mustard fields??? Who knew!!! I thought they were flowers of some sort LOL Quote: "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed...Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
Another Feeding Frenzy of mine!! It's Lemon Sorbet in a sugar rimmed glass. It's suppose to be floating in Tequila, but it's not. Next time....
Isn't he cute? He's gotta bigger tounge than I do..
Little Lion den.. The picture is too far to actually get how magestic and regal they are. A little fun at the Zlin zoo.
The zoo Chateau. Conrad & Lisa....Awwwwww..Cutest couple..
Then of course, no one seems to like Bush over there either....lOL...LOL
This was in Prauge. I'm sitting on the Charles Bridge. I have more pictures on Lisa phone. She'll be making a copy and I will share with you later.
THis is inside St. Vitus!! Utterly amazing!!! Soooo Beautiful!!!!
These are obviously steps!! What you can't see though is a tiny Pizza place tucked in the corner......

So now you've probably had enoguh of my slide show. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks again for your interest.
Love you guys..
Hope to have some good news for you soon!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Love Jennifer:)

Last Day in Zlin, Czech Republic!

Hi Everyone,

I've been taking it easy the last few days per the Dr. I only go on little walks and small drive-bys by any window with shoes in it. Ha-Ha! And of course eat like a barbarian. Lisa, Conrad and I have been driving around as well. Today we went over the Slovakia border just so we could say that we did. Yesterday I went to Mass at the Catholic church, downtown. It was very sweet. Actually, I can't wait to get out of here. I am all Czech Republiced out. I probably could have gone home a few days ago, but I didn't want to chance the long ride home and the stress that accompanies it.

I've been feeling o.k. I do not think I have any pregnancy symptoms. I think it's too soon anyway. I've started bargaining with myself about wheather or not I could be pregnant. Mostly my mind tells me "No, it's too good to be true". The other part tells me if I'm not pregnant I could take the news better than being pregnant and then miscarrying it at a later date like last time. So just another rollercoaster ride. It could go either way as we all know. As I've said before, I've done everything I could possibly do, there is nothing else. It's all in the universes hands. In Gods hands. Certainly not in mine.

This experience also isn't the vacation I've dreamed about, but I will say I have tried to make the most of it. I have made a few friends along the way and have seen some really beautiful places. Really beautiful. I wish I could post some pics now, but alas, I'm not on my computer. I will when I get home on Wednesday. I'm leaving first thing in the morning for the treck home. Yay, O, Yay.......
In other news I've decided to keep the date of the pregnancy test to myself at this time, however, I want to get some opinions on what you guys think I should do.(It's still many weeks off)
I am facing the dilemma of going to the Dr. and taking the blood test that says Yay or Nay, or just waiting it out like normal women do. I could just wait it out and see if a normal cycle starts to confirm a BFN/P (Big Fat Negative/Positive) OR I could go to my old RE (reproductive Endocrinologist) and have the blood test done (not forgetting the fact that he didn't want me to come here, then I have to risk hearing, "I told you so" if it's BFN) Or I could just go to the OBGYN and have him do it. I hear you all saying you think I wouldn't be able to wait. But the truth is, is that I'm scared. Big Scaredy Cat Jennifer...... It's back to one second at a time......Ugghhhhh, so frustrating......I'm sorry if I seem to be in a negative way, but I'm just trying to be realistic. (Big Sigh)

I want to mention my many thanks to ALL of you who have kept up with the blog and supported me while I've been so far away from anything familiar. (except sunshine and dandilions, LOL) It's helped me tremendously to read your comments and hear your prayers for me and my future family. I never could have imagined being in a situation like this. T*H*A*N*K*Y*O*U....... So I will sign off on that note with love and kisses. I look forward to land of free ketchup and the home of the brave, The beautiful U.S.A, Land that I love!!!

Love Jennifer Shu*k
xoxoxxo

P.S. I didn't get any souveniers for anyone. The only souvenier I wanna bring you guys is a healthy pregnancy....Thanks in advance.....:)

Still in After Shock

Hi Everyone!

Quickly about the comments. I apologize to my friends (Diane,Trish & Whitney) and family (Monika)about your comments not being published. Also, anyone else I forgot to mention. It is a known common kink here in blogspotland and there is no way for me to retrieve them. Furthermore, I wholeheartedly appreciate ALLLLLL your posted comments and all those that are quietly distributed through telekinisis LOL, come on that's funny Ha-Ha!!! Kisses and warm hugs to each and everyone of you. I know who you are. Thank you for your interest!!!!!!

I'm feeling very well rested today. I haven't moved much except to adjust my pillow. Today my laptop finally went kuput on me, which will make the next few days rough, as the only thing on T.V. here is CNN. Which happens to be very depressing lately. I have a good book that I am reading slowly an savoring another that my friend Angie gave me. Oo la la!!

Josh leaves tomorrow. I wanted him to stay, but it costs too much to change the ticket on BA. That's o.k., I will survive until Tuesday. I get back to FL. on Wednesday. I CAN"T WAIT!!!!!!!

I wanted to mention also, that I realize that we have accomplished much since yesterday, but the reality of ithe situation is we still have another whole month of the waiting game. Putting three Blasts in does put me at risk for triplets (don't faint), but that is something they HAVE to tell me. In truth everyone must know and accept my chances of pregnancy and live birth to be very small. In essence, I still need a miracle. The next two weeks I'm not to do any hard work or lift anything more than 5 pounds. Just another challange that for sure I can handle by now. Especially with all of your support and encourgement.

The blog will not be as interesting the next week or so, but please, still feel free to visit. I will check it as much as I am able on other peoples computers. I must close for now.

I love you ALL dearly!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jennifer

TT....I'm sorry your card didn't make it. Thank you anyway, please save it for me. I love you so much.....your post card I sent to Moms because I didn't have your address on hand. It'll probably get there by July:) xoxoxox

Candy Coated Teardrops

Hi Everyone,

Sorry so late to post, but it's been a long day. *WARNING*..Scroll down Slowly!!

I woke this morning feeling pretty good, not nervous at all. A few dreams throughout the night, nothing too horrific, except the one where my sister Annie was moving back home and for some reason, so was I. I insisted I should have the big yellow room because Annie got it all while growing up so now it should be my turn to have it. My mother insisted Annie was getting the large room and I was getting the small yellow one. This dream is derived from the yellow "sunshine" room at the clinic I'm sure. Weird......

I decided to take a little rollerblade before departing to the clinic so as to burn some energy. Off I went and did my skate through the baby, High~tech European baby stoller, rollerblading, biking mecca on the path outside of the hotel. My vision only caught all the mommies with thier tiny infants, pregnant mommies coming from the hospital on the path, grandmothers strolling their precious grandbabies,two year old twins holding hands frollicking with puppies they cannot catch in their little waddle. Those sights did not cause me sadness, only hope, alot of hope.

I cut the blade short so as to not get overheated. Showered, mediatated, put on my most happiest colors and trendiest fashions to go and pick up the "kids" (Hey, I gotta rep to protect) LOL Pick up was at 12:20. Funny because we arrived at the clinic at 12:20. Lisa and I were both anxious. Conrad drove because the road up to the clinic it extrememly bumpy and we didn't want the Autobahn 500 on the way back, like the taxi driver gave us last week. LOL

Inside the clinic, I started to get nervous. Mostly becasue of Josh. Also because I still have to ALWAYS think of everything!! I wasn't feeling connected to him at all. So frustrating. (we can talk about that later) Not too long of a wait until they called my name....Ms. Sh*sky???? It's funny how the Czech people pronounce it perfectly..LOL

We walked into the office and talked with the embryologist who happened to be a woman. She gave us the report quite frankly....

THREE BLASTOCYSTS!!! yep 3 as in 1,2,3..Tres in Spanish THREE. The grades go like this....1 Expanded Blastocycst, Grade One (which is the highest grade you can get) 2 Blastocyst Grade One...Three all together. The others that were fertilized were only morulas (google it) and she did not suggest to freeze them at this stage because those do not thaw well. I have nothing to freeze. Which is O.K. by me. She recommended putting THREE back in. Partly because this is my third IVF, second transfer. The first Dr. put 4 back in, but don't forget, that was a three day transfer. Basically I have the stongest three!!! I cried, I couldn't hold it in. I really didn't expect this many and them being so strong. This so far is the best cycle yet. Even better when I see a positive pregnancy test. Would you like to see the Blasts? Ha-Ha I thought you wouldAren't they beautiful??? I thought you would say that. I can't tell you which one is the expanded Blast, bacause I was only half listening to Dr. Anna when he told me. Also I had to take the picture from the screen and the Blasts were moving up through the culture, so the moment of opportunity was small. You get the idea though. I hope. I've learned that the Expanded Blast is one that is basically getting out of it's shell and ready to go, as in READY to implant. After they transfered them, I went to the sunshine room to rest for about an hour. I put on my favorite songs from the Ipod, the ones that make me most happy and I pictured all of your smiling faces with me and even shed a tear because I felt your presence. Seriously.

They called me out, I paid for some more incidentals and then we went back to the hotel. I am resting now. Well, trying. I didn't want to keep you waiting so this is all I have for now. I'm still letting in all sink in. I love you all and thanks for being there with me today. I needed you.

Jennifer:)
xoxoxo
The first picture is the Scary elevator. The second is me in the scary elevator feeling happy that I may becoming pregnant!!! YAY

Eve of May 22nd

Good Evening~

If I'm lucky enough to have embryos to transfer tomorrow, it will take place at 1:00 p.m. Which is 0700 U.S.A time. Please think of me with your positive, loving thoughts around 0700 to 0900ish. After transfer we lay there for an hour or so. I can't believe it's finally here. I feel pretty good tonight, but who knows what tomorrow brings. I have absolutely NO idea how many will be there to greet me.

Today we went to a quaint little town by the name of Olomouc. It was lovely. Old, gothic style infastucture. We then drove up to a castle call Brusnov Castle. It was very fairytale like. It puts the Magic Kingdome in Disney to shame.. Amazing. We got there too late to visit inside, but we toured all around the grounds. I think I want to live in a castle. Yep, why not...LOL I'm still working on posting pics..here are some below from today.....

The first picture is the Brusnov Castle in Olomouc! It's suppose to be one of the most photographed castles in the world. I knocked on the door to see if Prince Charming was in, but he was out for the day. Figures!! Second picture is just a gothic style fountain. He looks like Neptune to me. What do you think?

Mom~~Love you!! I''ll have tea time with you anyday, anywhere!! Kiss~Kiss

Angie~~WOW! I can't believe all the time you've been spending on the computer lately, !! I'm very proud of you!! Sooooo happy little Greek Goddess, Sianna is feeling better. Please give her a BIG Giagantic kiss for me. My heart is also happy you went to visit my Kitty, Kitty gumdrops....Hope you enjoyed all those goodies I had laying around. I am a junk food junkie after all. Did you find the chocolate in the freezer?? I was laughing at your little hint about the Biltmore hotel and referenced Florencia. Ha!! Poor thing. I bet the party was fun.
I wanted to mention to you since Patty is staying @ BBY (shocker) please make sure she didn't take me off the schedule. It would be like her to do something like that. I hope not, but who knows. THANKS. for having my back on that. I dare not lose my 3rd place standing after 12 yrs. LOL
Also, thank you so much for your continued support throughout this whole rollercoaster thing. Next to my mother and sister, you are one of my biggest cheerleaders. ~~Muaahhhh~~ I must say, I started that progesterone again, but it is administered completely different..WHEW!!! No more butt shots...
Love you girl..

Trip to Vienna

Hello,

(Mom, I'm fine.......)

Well today we finally made it to Vienna. What a lovely trip. We made our first parental decision going there. I was very nervous to leave the "kids" in case the clinic needed me for something. Like say, an emergency 3 day transfer. Any how, I imagined every scenario and backed myself up with plan "B" and then got the go ahead by people who know the drill, so we felt safe and sound leaving for a half day. We went with 4 other couples all here for the same reason, staying at other hotels. We traveled by train which was very simple and fast. About a 2 and half hour ride, changing trains only once. The only thing that was bothersome was a little rain. The weather has sure turned in the opposite direction. Last week sunny, this week rain....O, well. It's got a very Ohio~like feeling here with the green, green grass, and the rainy, cold weather.. LOL

Along the train ride I couldn't help but think if the tracks we were on were the same ones used for the cars going to concentration camps. It's hard not to think of something so morose as there always seems to be a reference of that period somewhere over here. The general concenus was that, yes, it probably was the same view. It's part of history.....

Arriving in Vienna was an awesome feeling. Finally I felt something other than IVF. It helped get my mind off the upcoming pending few days. We took an hour bus tour around the city to get familiarized, then jumped off and walked with everyone to get pizza and more sausages. YUMMY! I really wanted to go into Mozarts house or maybe hear a symphony playing at the Opera house, but time wasn't on our side. We did visit the Stephansdome cathedral.....WOW.....J was so overwhelmed I couldn't get him out of there. I said a prayer in this massive holy place and then lit one candle for our 11 growing embryos. I wanted to light more but I didn't want to burn myslef...LOL


Next on the agenda was the Palace. Josh has this thing for buying Souveniors for his whole family as soon as we get anywhere touristy..THE VERY FIRST THING!!!!! It's a pain in the ass for me, because first we were on a short time schedule, second, we are not here for souveniors, third, we got places to see!! Of course if the situation arises and time permits then by all means, get the stupid shot glass. I respectivly had to break off from the group going to the Palace so they didn't have to feel the pain, just so he could shop........Enough about that....

It started raining hard, so we opted to go into a small, dainty cafe...(Mom, you would have loved this place. In spirit you sure were there with me).....I had my last cup of expresso, (if any of you know me, you know I don't need it, but it is sooooooo good here) then I ordered something that will stay with me forever I'm guessing... Apple struedel!! Not just any apple struedel, apple struedel floating with vanilla custard on the bottom of the dish. So light and fluffy, I couldn't stop eating it or licking it off my spoon. It was like heaven. Jenhotsky no more, Jenfatsky more like it. I'm NOT kidding....LOL

Well, now I should tell you that I feel I have done everything I possilby could for this cycle of IVF. I didn't work, I rested, I ate, slept, walked, watched movies, prayed, meditated, ate some more, took care of my body, no pressure to be had anywhere around, (except for souvenier buying LOL) I did the best I could do. So, it's not up to me the next few days. Of course, if I'm lucky enough to have ANY embyros to be transferred on Thursday, then I will rest for 5 days straight (Yes 5 days) before I take the long flight home. (I can't wait to get back home) There is nothing more I can do, I did my very best. I went the extra mile. So I guess what I'm saying is, that if it doesn't work out the way I hope and dream of, then that's just the way it's going to be. I really think I'm going to be o.k. I'll accept the initial disappointment and sadness (as I had to make some hard core financial and emotional decsions to make this trip even possible) I'll have my moment, then I will get back up and travel towards another path in my life that I will pursue with the utmost integrity and energy that I can possibly muster. It's the only choice I have. I'm hoping for the best, planning for the worst. But will it be the "Worst" thing that ever happens to me? Not having kids? I think not.

I will close on that note and invite you all to be with me in spirit on Thursday the 22nd. for the transfer. I will give the exact time in tomorrows blog. No one is allowed in the room with me, not even J. So, if you have the time, (it will be early for you guys, 06-0630ish) and the sandman gives permission for you to wake and think of me for a little while, I will greatly appreciate it.

Love you & miss you, all day, everyday, all the time.

JLS
xoxoxo

JLS

Fertilization Report

Hello,

We are all going to the zoo today. It's suppose to be really nice. We were to meet downstairs at 1000, but then the other couple fell behind a few minutes. No big deal. Conrad came knocking on the door to tell us that they would be ready about 1100. I replied by saying, "O.k., that's good for us see you then". Then he said, "NO, 11 Eggs Fertilized" We both have 11 Fertilized Eggs.........Ummmm...kinda in shock right now as I just recieved the news. Zuska, our translator, called Lisa and then Conrad relayed the info to Josh & I. I can hardly believe it. That is so many more than last time. We go back for transfer on Thurday, the 22nd @ 1145. The dreaded "5" day transfer. I realize most will drop off before then. In fact, I'm quite sure of it. I don't expect many to make until Thursday........ So it's just a crazy waiting game. How can one even concentrate? Ugghhhhh........(big sigh) the crazy rollercoaster of IVF.

Big case of writers Block.......


ttys

Love & 11 kisses..

P.S.
Sry it took so long to post. Again, I thought I lost it all but I finally found out how to retrieve the draft!!! So there here it is...



JLS

Happy Egg Day (Not Easter)

Good Mooorrrnnniiinggg.......

Just got back from egg retreival, still feeling a little loopy from the anaesthisia, so bear with me....

We arrived at the "klinka" clinic around 0800. They led us into a very bright, cheery yellow room complete with cute baby pictures photographed by Anne Geddes all over the wall. The beds had yellow sunflower comforters, not hospital like at all. It reminded me of the room I grew up in up in Ohio, awwwwww.

They came in and took Lisa first. She came back about 10 minutes later speaking to Petra in her best German she could muster. I could only laugh at her intoxicated talk! I thought she was coming back prepped for the surgery, but they had already performed it, WOW, that was fast. They then came in for moi. They wheeled me in another room, not hospital like at all. They placed my legs high in the stirups and fastened me up to the IV. I ignored the needle and only could focus on the Mexican salsa music that was filling the room so sweetly. I was greeted cheerfully by the anaethisiaologist, then by Dr. Atilla Anna with his sterile mask, no BO to be smelled at all.

I awoke to words coming from Petra, although, I thought it was Lisa, telling me it was time for dinner. I looked forward at Dr. Anna and freaked out by trying to jolt my leg out of the stirup and saying "josh is going to kill me, I'm not dressed for dinner HA-HA"....I suppose dinner was to at some Mexican restaurant! LOL

All the while, J was in the "Happy" room getting happy. I was scared for him because actually he is (I think I'll save this part for myself) I will mention however, the "Happy" room was no like no other I've seen in a Drs. office. Very fancy pictures dripping off the walls...Hmmmm....Quite the contrary, never seen anything like it. LOL Anyhoo, they wheeled me back in the "sunshine" room where I rested while trying to collect my bearings. The nurse came in and checked blood pressure and then Dr. Anna finally came in to give the news we were so desperately waiting for..............

14 Beautiful Eggs.....Yep, you read that right, F O U R T E E N EGGS!!!! YIPPPPPPEEEE!! That is more than both times before. I can hardly believe it. Tomorrow they will call after 1000, which is 0400 your time, with the Fertilzation Report. This is an important report that tells us exaclty how many eggs fertilized. As we all know, not all will fertilize, as I am considered "old" and my eggs may not fair as well. We shall see. I reminded Dr. Anna that they all should be ICSI'd, (Introcytoplasmic injection,Dr. does it manually by hand) and he said ""of course" He also mentioned ""THE"" 5 day transfer which would bring us to May 22nd. Soooooooo, What shall be will be, so be it!!! Grow embryos, grow!!!!

Well I must rest now as my ovaries are feeling quite perforated. I am going to dream of my 14 little darlings growing in the dish. 14 Kids, that's funny. They are so wanted and already in and apart of my heart. Hopefully they will become part of my life and motherhood will finally come to fruition for me. I AM READY!!! Whatever should be in the ""Plan""!

Let the fertilization begin.....

14 Kisses

JLS

P.S.
This is the second draft I typed, I lost the first, which was much more interesting. Hope you enjoy anyhow...Thank you for your interest!

Diane F

Hi Danka!

I somehow deleted your comment.....I want to hear from you.....

xoxoxo

The "Depositor" has Arrived

Hi guys!!

Josh and Conrad arrived around midnight~ish last night. The trip was long they said, but not bad. They flew up to ORD then got first class on the 777 to LHR! Heellloooooo, I haven't even had the pleasure of that ride!!!! They jumped on BA only to sit on the tarmac for about and hour and a half. The luggage arrived, thank goodness, as another couple was not so lucky on Czech Air from North Carolina. No luggage for them. The guys rented a car then drove the 3 hours to Zlin. I am not missing the hustle and bustle of the airline industry for sure.

To my utmost delight, Josh actually brought the rollerblades...YIPPPP.........wait a minute.....as I looked closer to them, yes, in fact they were rollerblades, but to my dismay he brought one OLD one and one NEW one. The old ones don't FIT me any longer!!! I happen to keep the old ones in the trunk of my car in case someone wants to borrow them. Let me tell you, they look NOTHING alike! I found myself speechless!!! Dumbfounded, sort of like, can this be true?? In fact, the thought crossed my mind of him bringing two different ones and that I should mention to him to double check that, but I thought to myself that I was overreacting Ha-HA-HA-HA!!! Well, turns out I'm not here for the rollerblading. But if any of you know me, I went out and bladed looking like a retard anyway. LOL...Only me!

Tonight at 2000 is the trigger shot. YAY! This shot is the one that kicks my ovaries into ovulating over the next 36 hours. Basically, getting the eggs to be released and ready to be harvested on Saturday @ 0800. I'm as ready as I'm going to be.

Lisa and I met two more couples that have arrived from the states. They all came to our hotel for dinner last night. It's all of their first time with IVF and the excitement was permeating throughout. I remember that feeling a few years back. It's funny to me that this is my third IVF and I find myself still on the quest for motherhood. I never dreamed it would be like this ya know. No one can ever say I didn't try or that I haven't given it my all.

Angie~~Hi baby~~Good luck with Sianna and her tonsils. I just know that everything will go well. Tell her when she feels better that I have ice cream in my freezer for just for her. She can have it when she comes to visit kitties.....Thank you too for BBY paperwork. LMK if there is any extra information that you need. Thanks for having my back on that while I"m away:) No! Lucash doesn't have a brother! LOL Can you decipher some Greek for me? Love U!

Timothy & Robert~~Thank you so much for checking on kitty, kitty gum drops! I know I won't have to worry about a thing. Beware! Baby really is a 5 pound tiger! She really does love it on the porch, especially if she has company with her. She dreams of being an outside cat...LOL I hope you get to see Elphie, she really is beautiful, diamonds and all!! Miss you!

Well everyone, I'm going to pick up the Kolbasa that Lucash got for us from his father the "butcher". It's waiting for us in the restaurant.....It's all meat and potatoes now.........

Love Jennifer:)
Kisses

3rd Doctors Visit

Hello All....

Today was a the first "big" day of many "big" days to come at the Drs. office. I recieved my ultrasound. The 11 follicles, 7 on the left, 4 on the right, are growing and moving along quite as they should be. Dr. Anna gave me a retrieval day on Saturday the 17th at 0800. Thursday will be my last day of stims. Goody, goody gum drops, cause I'm tired of being a pin cushion! Those shots don't get any easier, let me be the first to say. I do the HCG ""Trigger"" shot at 2000 on Thursday evening, no shots on Friday. He said he should retrieve about 8 or 9 eggs out of the 11 follicles. He also said he will do a 5 day Blast.....sooooooooo that means worry wart over here will be thinking and praying for nothing other than that the eggs grow in the dish and I actually make it to "THE" 5 day transfer. Oh Please, O Please...O Pretty please...........Fingers crossed.

It's a funny thing that happens at the Drs. office. There are sooo many Americans that come to this place. It's almost like a factory. They are so precise there and are very thourough. Or so I seem to notice. Big Business........I am happy to have a turn here. This, I truly believe, is the end of my fertility journey. Sometimes it's more than I can handle. Now the fun really begins.....Anxiously Awaiting.....or maybe that part comes next week, I'm not sure where I am in the textbook of feelings.

I want to mention my beautiful night here in the Zlin, Czrch Republic last night. The very nice man that runs the hotel, Lucas, pronounced Lucash (Rollerblade guy), drove Lisa and I to his other restaurant about 5 minutes away. It's more gourmet than the restaurant where we are staying. The atmosphere felt like we were eating in a log cabin, complete with a fish tank upon entering. The fish inside were no other than ""Sturgeon" as in Caviar! Uhhh, helloooo, one would never see that in the states. Anyhoo, he explained to us how his grandfather owned the whole buiding way back when, until the communists took it over. They actually had to fight to get it back. They definately got it back in the family. They are planning to redo it into a 5 star restaurant and hotel. He also explained to us how his father is a butcher and that he would get us some Kolbasa, the way it should be made. He balked at us when we told him how delicious the "Bratwurst"" was in Praugue, and to our horror, he called it ""SH*T"" in plain ol English...HA-HA.....Go Figure.!!!

We continued on with a beautiful red wine made right here in Czech that he picked out for us. I ordered the prawns, head and all. The accutrouments included "hrnolky"French Fries...yummy. Lisa had the Roast Beef including dumplings that were as big as a head of lettuce, not kidding! So respectful was this Lucash, he left us to go visit his mother who lives upstairs so we could enjoy our dinner. He came back after a while and then ordered us Lemon sorbet with a sugar rim in a martini glass. It originally comes with Tequila, but we were not quite in the Tequila mood, some other time maybe:) All to digest with Italian esspresso!!! Ha.....then as we went for our check, Lucash insisted that we were his guests and that we were not to pay. Ummmmm, excuse me, he is the son of the owner of the Baltaci. We are his customers not his guests..........

Small little of injections of loveliness, other than hormones.......ahhhhhhh....life is good......

Love you alllllllll

strch prst skrz krk

Here is a little funny for you all...

The title of this page is written in the Czech language. And it's meaning is..."Stick Your Finger Through Your Neck"....

Ha-Ha say that 10 ten times I dare ya!!!! I wanted you guys to learn something in Czech and that is your first lesson......There will be a test.

This will be quick today. First thanks again EVERYONE for your comments, I do wholeheartedly appreciate them!!! I love the special surprises of my silent supporters....

A word to my favorite "Witch". How funny you would mention that as I was explaining to my roommate just the night before, the story of the Polaroid picture and how you really had me ünder your spell" for many years!!!!! I love inside jokes.....And I love you too:) What do you see in your crystal ball??

Tomorrow is Drs. appointment at 11:00 a.m. Feeling good about it, not nervous. Anxious to see how the follicles are and how big they are getting. This process is becoming extrememly slow. The walls of the hotel seem to be caving in on me. It should start to get busy now however. The guys should leave FL. tomorrow. A little nervous about their flights as they don't seem as open as they were for us. No Rock Star treatment for them, I can assure you. Just as long as they get here by Friday, that's all I can hope for.

Another woman that is here for Donor eggs had her transfer today. They transferred 3 beautiful Blastocycsts. WOW.......I hope I make it to Blast...I know I keep saying that, but we really have to pray for that.....That is good for her. I will continue to focus on myself and my body. Everything is as it should be.

I love you guys......

JJ

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!

H A P P Y M O T H E R S D AY!!!!!!!!!

MOM~~ I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU!!! I hope today is a day filled with flowers, song and sunshine for you . I'm thinking of you alllll day today. You are beautiful. I love when I look at myself in the mirror I can see your face and a really big mouth! LOL On this day, I will have a cup of tea in your honor to celebrate all your goodness and love. I will celebrate all that you have done for each and everyone of us all day, everyday for 50 some years now with tireless abandon. Mom, you are my comforter and biggest fan........Thank you my darling Mother!!! I LOVE YOU xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxo

For all you other Mothers! My heart goes out and my hat goes off to all of you!~Now a personal shout out to a few of my favs.......

Teri~You always know how to make me laugh..your second to the last comment....."she repeated" That's funny and I chuckle all day over it. I love how you "get me" without really having to explain. Thank you for being such a good mom to my favorite nephew, Nathan, and bringing him up to be a a respectful, caring, fun, loving young man. (There are not enough adjectives to go on) I am always inspired by you. Kiss-Kiss!!

Trish~Thank you for always sharing Giu~Giu with me. That means so very much to me in every way! She is the apple of my eye and there is never a dull moment with her. You make motherhood look so effortless, when in reality I don't think it is sometimes, but you sure do a fantastic job and I love you for that. You guys are my adopted family and I Thank God for you everyday!

Lisa~I am so proud of you and am inspired by the way you have been bringing Johnny and Michael up mostly, nope, pretty much all by yourself. They are so smart and so much fun to be around. I love them as if they were my own nephews. Thank you for all these years of sharing them with me. I really can't wait for my VIP tickets in the Horseshoe at OSU!!! Love you guys.....You are my best friend!

Angie~You make motherhood look so much FUN. I love the way you are so creative with the girls, always so full of energy, taking them everywhere and anywhere. Thank you for including me on birthdays and family outings. Thank You too for letting me witness the "meltdowns"and kinda giving me a head up on what ""To Do" in a situation like that. Leave it to you "Greek Goddess"" to make it seem like motherhood is really all about bellydancing. LOL
P.S Yes fill out my form for BBY, what kinda question is that? Don't forget to get my check, I need it!! I love U Evangalina....and yes I rub the Lucky Frog!!!!

Awwwwwww......you women are awesome mothers........you make it a hard act to follow.......I know you are all cheering me along..........

Now, reporting from the Road Less Traveled.....

Ahhhhh, another day in Zlin........Yesterday, the same man who wanted to charge me 100 Crowns the day before to update my computer, changed it to 200 crowns, but what do I care, he really hooked it up for me. He even came to the hotel to make sure it was working in the "Hot Spot"which was to my delight. YAY! He spoke very good English and that pretty much was worth it to me. So now blogging should be a little more often and definately without typos....Ha!

Let's see....the shots are going as can be expected....They suck.....But they must be done. I do them everyday at the same time 3:45 p.m. Two shots. Tomorrow will be three. We go back to Dr. Anna on Tuesday at 11:00. A little bloating, but nothing too unbearable. The only real pain I have is having to watch everyone rollerblade around me. (he-he) Which brings me to tell you that the cute rollerblade guy informs me that it's better for me to buy rollerblades than to rent them as it would be the same price. Whateva, I'll do without them (pout).......I asked J to bring mine, but I don't see that happening. We can start bets now.

In the evening to pass the time, Lisa and I watch old black and white movies in our room. She brought like 50. She introduced me to Mildred Peirce...fabulous. How about all that smoking in that movie? There were others that I can't remember at this time, but it's kinda cute. Lisa and I sure have formed a lasting bond I'm sure. We both have an understanding of what this process is like and to share this road together so closely is probably quite the blessing. We complain, but we have a lot of laughs in between all the nothingness that we are doing.

That brings me to "Nothingness" It's hard to do nothing. Really. Maybe it's just me, but reallly, I'm doing NOTHING. I walk, eat, sleep, type, give shots, meditate, walk, eat, the cycle continues. I'm quite out of "nothing" to do.......LOL O well, tomorrow we change rooms and will be by ourselves for two nights till DHs get here. Then I will really have nothing to do, not even irritate my roommate.........LOL

Everyone is sooooo nice at this Hotel Baltaci.....Even in my worst Czech accent they seem so polite and never laugh at me. The food is good too, but I sort of have a little Hotel~itis and restaurant~itis...we will eat somewhere else outside the hotel tonight. Sometimes I feel like asking the staff in the restaurant if they'll give me a job. Ha! That'll give me something to do.

O, btw....I want to tell you about the pastries here in the beautiful Czech Republic........
How about Lady Finger, or Eclairs, whatever you choose to call them. You know the ones you get down at "Wojitillas" Yes.........those...
OMG.....the cream ever so fluffly while tantilizing your tongue, while the outside coating hard but soft on the inside so the end result is melting in your mouth. If only I can find a way to ship you guys a whole box.......maybe I could send some brats too. I'll check on it. Yummmmmmyyyyy. Let me not forget the Banana Crepes with whip cream and chocolate sauce. If I don't come home fat and pregnant I'l definately be fat...Not to worry.....

I'm planning on posting some pictures on this blog, but now must go for a walk as I am encountering some writers block. Hope it wasn't too boring today......

As usual....

Miss and Love All Day Every Day

Jennifer
xooox

0800 Dr. Anna

Good day everyone...

Ahhhhhh, where shall I begin?

Today was my 2nd appoitment w/ Dr. Anna. We entered the "Klinka" clinic with high hopes. Of course, the elevator struck me again as very unusual, but I followed along like a good little ducky. I learned that the city is not allowed to demolish or restructure any part of the building on the outside as it is considered historic. It was long ago part of the "Bata" shoe factory, (which is on my To Do list to visit) I'll get use to the elevator. Let me remind you, the inside looks like an Ikea floor demonstation show. Everything is brand new and very clean.

He greeted me around his desk with a firm handshake and a wonderful smile. I greeted him, of course, with my effervescance, and pearly white smile. I imagined, of course, greeting him with a can of Right Guard...but I'm really not sure how to bring that up to him yet. LOL That's funny.

Good news 7 follicles on the left, 4 follicles on the right. He uped my meds for the next 3 days, so let the cramps begin! This is pretty ususal for me. I am just concerned about the 5 day Blastocyst Embryo (google it) transfer. They only did a 3 day cleveage stage (google it) transfer at home. So the question is....Willl my eggs make it to Blast??? We shall see....Ohhhhh, so much to look forward to.
Yesterday I flagged down a Rollerblader, (the cute guy that works at the hotel) he was blading through the lobby, it must've been sign for me to stop and ask him. Anyhow, I did stop and ask him and he said his friend works at a shop and get can get some for me..YAY!!! I hope to use them before my ovaries become softballs. Ewwww.

O, Btw, yesterday the holiday here was a Republic Holiday. The Czech won some war a very long time ago and so no one has to work on this particular day. Sort of like Memorial Day for us. The only difference is they celebrate by taking their children to the forest dressed up pretending to be in a fairytale! Yep, that's right. I really didn't ask anymore questions.. I just let that one go. Myself and another girl, Vesna, from Alaska, (who is here for Donor eggs) walked around and and checked the town of Zlin out. It's small but becoming very cozy.

After Dr. Annas I went to the internet store and some very nice Engligh speaking Czech troubleshooted my laptop. He sold me a new cord complete with a European plug! That means I'll never get to use it in the states... LOL Oh, well, I need it for DVDs, so I can RELAX after the transfer, of course, if I make it that far. Every step of this IVF one can be knocked out of the game at any time. So. minute, by minute... He wanted to sell me a new battery and uninstall my Norton and reinstall for 100 Crowns. I gratefully declined and went on my merry way. Everyone always out to make a buck.

Well, I must close as I again am on someone elses computer. Thank you to all 4 of you for visiting the blog......will update as soon as I have more.

I miss and love you all and really can't wait until this is over. Not the kind of vacation I dreamed of.....

xoxoxoxo
JJ

Deep Breath

Hi Everyone,

Yes, I am getting all comments. I sincerely appreciate ALL the feedback and support, it is needed and wanted.

First, I want to say I can finally relax as I type this. I found an internet cafe around the corner from the hotel. My computers battery is not working AT ALL, which is so frustrating as it a was working when I first arrived . The keyboard is European which is completely different from ours in U.S.A. Forgive my typos as, the z is where the y should be, I cant find any apostrophes. Im sure my blogging looks the an typographical nightmare. I will not correct it. I want Oprah to see everything as the way it is. I hope it will help her to know how newsworthy this subject really is and how I had to walk 30 minutes to find an internet cafe in the first place. LOL Thats kinda funny.

A little about Zlin. It really is beautiful. Yesterday I walked up an over a bridge and asked a bike shop if they rented rollerblades. He had no idea what I was talking about so he called someone who spoke English. How sweet. The woman he called didnt know what rollerblades were either. In my best mime ever he finally got it. INLINE he said, alas we were on the same page. WHEW for me. But not really as he didnt have any INLINES...boo hoo...everyone inlines here, its complete and utter torture for me. The mothers with their babies rollerblade, everyone is rollerbalding but me....how could this be? What possibly could be the lesson there? Learn how to walk again. Im not getting this one. REALLY not getting this one.

So the pavement leads along a beautiful river with overgrown grass. Complete with dandilions, and dead ones. You know the dandilions that die and then you make a wish and blow them in the wind. Anyone from Ohio or the midwest knows exactly what Im talking about Smile .
This river and the atmosphere reminds me of metroparks, except this river flows through some type of projects. But really nice projects. Everyone hangs their clothes to dry from the window. Even at the hotel I dont think they use a dryer as the towls feel like sandpaper. Ok ok not sandpaper, but definately scratchy. This area is very family oriented. Like I said, everyone is either riding bikes or ROLLERBLADING. One thing interesting today on my walk, was a large horn like alarm for the whole city to here. It must be an alarm from way back when the Nazis were invading. Im sure that is was it was, kinda like a fire drill but not really. In any case, I feel very safe here. The air is soo fresh and very springlike. No Nazis at all. Smile

Tomorrow is a holiday here. Everything will be closed. I probably wont be able to blog, but I will catch up with you guys on Friday. Second doctors appointment Friday 8 a.m. Dont forget we are 6 hours ahead. So when you guys are dreaming about my arrival, I will be walking, not Skating, next to the river, up and towards the mountains, looking and asking for the lesson that really brings me to this place so far from my home.

They are charging me an arm and a leg to use this internet, so I must go.....tty on Friday.

Love zou alll.....

Monika, if you are reading this, I am wearing your favorite shoes and they really belong here, everyone loves them......lol

xoxoxox

thinking of you Mom.........iiilllyyy

First Doctors Appt

Hi everyone, Thank you all for your comments.

Today we drove up to a hospital that looks like the state mental ward. Complete with an elevator that feels like you are in a mental ward. Or in a Holloween movie, NOT KIDDING. Then to confirm my thoughts, nurse Ratchet shows up, One flew over the cookokoos nest, to confirm that I should just run and then swim all the way home. LOL Not to worry though, the doctor was very nice, if only he had a can of deoderant. lol
My cycle has not started yet. Its been 5 days since I stopped taking BCP, they want me to start shots today anyway. I could easily cancel everything, but Im here already, I hate to give up now. My feelings are not very confident only because, I guess everyhting feels so wéird. They do a 5 day blast here. If anyone remembers, they did a 3 day at home. He also asked me why my right tube has not been removed. My doctor did not put any records in my file concerening that. I am trying not to freak out. Also, we get to pay in Euros when I thought we would be paying in Czech Crowns. I will have to talk to Craig about that. HMMMMMM NOthing like the feeling of getting scamed overseas.
My laptop is not working in the room, so I cannot post as much as I like. I ahve to type in the receptionist area. I dont want to take too long.
The town of Zlin is boring, but so far the people are very nice. We met American women here at the hotel that were here for Donor Eggs. This its it for me. I am soooo done after this.

g2g

Jennifer
xoxoxoxox

HOLY mOLY

HI ALL

I am going to skip the fantastic Prague day due to at this time we cannot get internet in our room in Zlin and I am typing on a Czech keyboard in the office and all the letters on the keyboard are different from English.......ha......I have moved my status from Rockstar toGeneral tourist in a foreign country...another ha......I will tell you though that I did skip up the cobblestone road up to the castle and Lisa thought I was crazy, she doesn§t know me too well yet. lol
Now the real fruition of why I am here in the first place comes to light. Today is our first office visit and my cycle has not started yet. Lisas did mine, did not. Not too worried yet, but where tf is it? I guess I will find out more at the doctors today at noon.
The room is cozy. Lisa and I are sharing a room and the bed for the next ten days until the guys arrive. No I am not gay, just trying to save money.
The ride from Prague to ZLIN was exactly three hours. Fanatastic journey through the czechs republic. It kinda reminded me of Ohio but then again not so much. Its cold in the morning and at night, but springlike during the day. The langusag is extremely hard, but you know me, I do try my best. thank God for the little phrase book I bought.
I want to type more but I have this beautiful czech girl breathing down mz neck. I will be in touch asap.
Until then, Im already homesick and I cant wait until this is over.

Love Jennifer

P.s. The sausages are outta this world...yummy

Prague..We're Here!!

The flight over from Miami to LHR was absolutely carefree and painless. Not only were we treated like Rock Stars, but we got escorted from baggage claim all the way to the gate and then over the jet bridge to the 747 by British Airways Customer Service Manager J.L. (yes he was aware we are flight attendants for AA) He then upgraded us from Coach to Business class, which for them is called "Club World" Finally I get some respect!!!. LOL After all the great sevice I give in day in and day out, finally it was our turn. Lisa and I sat in the seats that recline to beds with our own personal DVDs..HA-HA I love British Airways!!! The food was impeccable....(American who??) Haaaaaaaaa...it was really a good start. We then connected in LHR terminal 5, which is thier newest latest in Airport infastructure. It is an amazing piece of art. Really. You can google it. The flight over to Prague was only and hour and a half, again, painless. I was worried my bag would not make it, as I always am, but alas, there it was rotating on the carousel. YIPPEE!! Then the almost perfect part, the limo driver with a sign with our names on it....LOL Lisa's husband was kind enough to order that for us. Sweet. Tom drove us to the Hotel Palace Praha.....It belongs in the "Leading hotels of the world" book. It is very classy. We slept for a couple hours to kick the jet lag off, then in the shower, and off and running.
We ended up in the square, sort of reminds me of Paris, but then again, not so much. I will say though, I have eaten the BEST Bratwurst in my life, right here in the beautiful city of Prague. Ha-Ha.
Tomorrow we will go to the St. Charles Bridge then off to visit the castles..........So far so good.

Ta-ta

Eve of May 2nd

Well it's been a busy but productive day. I've said my goodbyes and made my peace with BBY. (TEAR)
It takes alot of money just to get out the door. All those teeny, tiny pain in the rear things you don't think of until the last second. Even me as a seasoned traveler. Ha! I'm pretty sure all those little things are wrapped up in any case. I have butterflies in my stomach. Actually that is what I have been feeling like the last few days, a butterfly with one wing....lol My dad always said that about me. Yes that makes me laugh very hard.

Josh has not been very helpful to me today at all......hmmmmm...surprised? No.....

Anyhow, here I go creating my own situation. Trying to fulfill the most important thing in my ife to me right now (his too), having a baby. Reaching for motherhood that seemingly comes soooo easy to everyone around me. I really don't know what I expect this time. I know how the ball can drop either way. I know I can still be sucker~punched while looking, or I can turn the other way and just accept the outcome no matter. I vow to make this a memory lasting trip either way. I will make sure that I will have good times in between the stuggle while I'm there. I will skip up the cobblestone road, I will whistle with the foreign birds, and I will look to the sky and thank God for everything that is beautiful around me.

In the meantime, Josh and I will spend our last night here together with hopeful looks, concerned eyes and desperate hearts all while saying nothing to one another.

Here goes everything........

(Mom if your reading this, I love you, I miss you and I will be back before you even knew I was gone) xoxoxoxoxoxoxox