Eve of May 2nd

Well it's been a busy but productive day. I've said my goodbyes and made my peace with BBY. (TEAR)
It takes alot of money just to get out the door. All those teeny, tiny pain in the rear things you don't think of until the last second. Even me as a seasoned traveler. Ha! I'm pretty sure all those little things are wrapped up in any case. I have butterflies in my stomach. Actually that is what I have been feeling like the last few days, a butterfly with one wing....lol My dad always said that about me. Yes that makes me laugh very hard.

Josh has not been very helpful to me today at all......hmmmmm...surprised? No.....

Anyhow, here I go creating my own situation. Trying to fulfill the most important thing in my ife to me right now (his too), having a baby. Reaching for motherhood that seemingly comes soooo easy to everyone around me. I really don't know what I expect this time. I know how the ball can drop either way. I know I can still be sucker~punched while looking, or I can turn the other way and just accept the outcome no matter. I vow to make this a memory lasting trip either way. I will make sure that I will have good times in between the stuggle while I'm there. I will skip up the cobblestone road, I will whistle with the foreign birds, and I will look to the sky and thank God for everything that is beautiful around me.

In the meantime, Josh and I will spend our last night here together with hopeful looks, concerned eyes and desperate hearts all while saying nothing to one another.

Here goes everything........

(Mom if your reading this, I love you, I miss you and I will be back before you even knew I was gone) xoxoxoxoxoxoxox