Hello,
It's been sooo long since I've written. It was one year ago yesterday that I flew off to the Czech Republic for fertility treatment. I can't believe a whole year has gone by already. WOW!
A whole other year of disappointment and acceptance. A whole year of struggleing with my marriage and myself. Feeling shorted and forsaken.
Today I ran into a friend who, on her very first try of IVF became pregnant. She is also 9 years older than me. Big sigh. I am genuinely happy for her. But honestly, my heart sank. But at the same time, I felt a surge of hope. Maybe I could pull off one more round. ???? J wants to. It's just the disappointment that I can't bear. It can be too much.
In any case, I just wanted to write a little. Yes, I am thinking of going back to Czech to try again. DID I just say that??? Europe is so beautiful. If it doesn't work, at least I'll have some European memories.
HMMMMMMMM.......Stay tuned.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
SEPTEMBER
Hi All...
Haven't written in awhile. Just thought I would post for no other reason than myself.
I found an overdue bill and called Dr. Gs office to settle it. In the meantime the nurses wanted me to come in and talk to Dr. G about the Czech trip. So I reluctantly went in August and talked to them. He told me I should try IVF again and also that maybe we should try half donor sperm and half of J's sperm. HA! was all I could think. J would never go for that.
I left the office thinking I would not tell J of this news. But then it occured to me that I should. When I told him he automatically was on the defensive and that big man ego came out to my surprise. He informed me that in his first relationship he did get some woman pregnant TWICE and TWICE they aborted it, due to being so young. EXCUSE me, doesn't that count as withholding information?? Why would he never say something until now? I have been an open book. All these procedures completely invasive to my body and soul and he can't even tell his wife during the initial workup this needed information. Ugghhh.
So we immediately call the Dr. for another sperm test. $400.00 later, we go and get the results and of course all is beautiful. His sperm is perfect!!! O, but of course. They want us to try again. I asked J where we would get more money. To my horror and suprise he told me I could sell my car and get a cheaper one. How sweet of him. Is this the husband I picked?
This whole thing is bullshit. This marriage, this whole IVF. I can't take it any longer. The Dr. is so hopeful for us AGAIN. One can't have any idea of this struggle unless they are going through it. TRUST ME.
Haven't written in awhile. Just thought I would post for no other reason than myself.
I found an overdue bill and called Dr. Gs office to settle it. In the meantime the nurses wanted me to come in and talk to Dr. G about the Czech trip. So I reluctantly went in August and talked to them. He told me I should try IVF again and also that maybe we should try half donor sperm and half of J's sperm. HA! was all I could think. J would never go for that.
I left the office thinking I would not tell J of this news. But then it occured to me that I should. When I told him he automatically was on the defensive and that big man ego came out to my surprise. He informed me that in his first relationship he did get some woman pregnant TWICE and TWICE they aborted it, due to being so young. EXCUSE me, doesn't that count as withholding information?? Why would he never say something until now? I have been an open book. All these procedures completely invasive to my body and soul and he can't even tell his wife during the initial workup this needed information. Ugghhh.
So we immediately call the Dr. for another sperm test. $400.00 later, we go and get the results and of course all is beautiful. His sperm is perfect!!! O, but of course. They want us to try again. I asked J where we would get more money. To my horror and suprise he told me I could sell my car and get a cheaper one. How sweet of him. Is this the husband I picked?
This whole thing is bullshit. This marriage, this whole IVF. I can't take it any longer. The Dr. is so hopeful for us AGAIN. One can't have any idea of this struggle unless they are going through it. TRUST ME.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Joe & Helena...... Family & Friends
Hi guys!
I also sent you emails but have not heard from you. My e-mail is jenshusk@comcast.net....
To my Family & Friends.......Thank you for your kind words! I will get better soon. I just need some time. I didn't think it would hit me this hard. I'll be back.
Love you guys sooo much!!
xoxoxox
I also sent you emails but have not heard from you. My e-mail is jenshusk@comcast.net....
To my Family & Friends.......Thank you for your kind words! I will get better soon. I just need some time. I didn't think it would hit me this hard. I'll be back.
Love you guys sooo much!!
xoxoxox
Thursday, June 5, 2008
www.tearsandhope.com
The 2ww is here. Today. June 5th 2008.
Hi everyone. Or ANYone I should say. By now you all have heard our disappointing news. If your still interested in my story, here's a little of what is going on.
We are not pregnant.
I am sooooo sad.
My heart hurts.
I'm depressed.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
I weep at the drop of a hat.
I need to talk to someone.
Someone that has experience in dealing with infertility.
I'm working on it.
I try to stay busy, but my mind wanders.
I was suppose to go see the RE for my pregnancy test. I couldn't get out of bed. I called the nurse to tell her my news. She said I need to have the test done anyhow. I will go to my OBGYN next week just because I respect her enough to do so. It's really rather stupid, but I will go and subject myself to a waiting room full of pregnant mommies to be. I'll go so I can hear the word NEGATIVE...just in case I didn't get it the first time. I told the RE I would see them to try again when I win the lottery.
I am working through my grief. I quite honestly cannot grasp the fact or have accepted the fact that this treatment is not working. At least not this time it didn't. How can I possibly get more financing? It's almost a crazy thought.
If you are still reading this I ask of you to go to www.tearsandhope.com. I tried to upload it, but I cannot for some reason. It will help explain a little of this dreaded journey that I am on.
In the meantime I'm working on getting my mojo back.
Love
Jennifer
Hi everyone. Or ANYone I should say. By now you all have heard our disappointing news. If your still interested in my story, here's a little of what is going on.
We are not pregnant.
I am sooooo sad.
My heart hurts.
I'm depressed.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
I weep at the drop of a hat.
I need to talk to someone.
Someone that has experience in dealing with infertility.
I'm working on it.
I try to stay busy, but my mind wanders.
I was suppose to go see the RE for my pregnancy test. I couldn't get out of bed. I called the nurse to tell her my news. She said I need to have the test done anyhow. I will go to my OBGYN next week just because I respect her enough to do so. It's really rather stupid, but I will go and subject myself to a waiting room full of pregnant mommies to be. I'll go so I can hear the word NEGATIVE...just in case I didn't get it the first time. I told the RE I would see them to try again when I win the lottery.
I am working through my grief. I quite honestly cannot grasp the fact or have accepted the fact that this treatment is not working. At least not this time it didn't. How can I possibly get more financing? It's almost a crazy thought.
If you are still reading this I ask of you to go to www.tearsandhope.com. I tried to upload it, but I cannot for some reason. It will help explain a little of this dreaded journey that I am on.
In the meantime I'm working on getting my mojo back.
Love
Jennifer
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Black Balloons......
Today is the end of May the 31st, 2008.....
The transition of settling in the last few days at home have been pretty seemless. Still taking it easy per the doctors orders, only doing mundane things such as laundry. I did however go and see the girls at BBY for our last luncheon. The new owners take over on Sunday. I will stay on the schedule and see how it goes. I desperately need to catch up after this trip. The girls were so excited to see me. I have such awesome friends. They have been so supportive. I missed them just as much as they've missed me. I brought the cake with "Thanks for the Memories" written on it, as you can see below. Very festive. It was truly bittersweet. The end of BBY. AWWWWWWW...We all hope to see some positive changes in the future. It's been a great 12 yrs for me over there. Priceless!!!
I left BBY to run some errands. I got a call from Lisa telling me she was worried about her progesterone intake thinking that it's not enough. She rushed to her old REs (reproductive Endocrinologist) and they told her she was low. I then called my RE to tell them I was back from Czech and to see if I should take another progesterone and also ask if they would do my pregnancy test on Thursday June 5th. Of course they are so accommodating and said "YES", they would do that for me. (If only they were cheaper, you know I would have stayed here in the states and continued my treatment with them) The nurse told me to take another progesterone.
I went to Trishs and all of a sudden I was feeling very crampy. I then went straight home and did the progesterone as directed. I noticed a little spotting. Nothing to be too panicky about as it looked like old blood which is common for IVF patients, being that the treatment is so invasive. Yesterday was 8 days past 5 day transfer. (BIG SIGH)
DH came in and I told him what was going on and he was a little worried. He mentioned I should call Craig (our ivf company handling our treatment overseas) Craig reminded me that it's normal to have some spotting. Also, to keep taking the Prednisone (anti-rejection) So I didn't fret much, just layed down and rested. And Prayed..And Hoped...And Dreamt..And Worried....
It's with a Heavy Heart & Burning Tears that I announce to you all that it is truly over. My cycle started very early this morning. It's not just spotting any longer. I cannot deny it. I cannot continue to look on the internet or call the Doctor for a different answer other than the one that I know in my heart to be true. I will not make the scheduled June 5th pregnancy test. None of those Beautiful Blastocysts implanted.
I've been kinda numb all day. Partly stunned. I did go straight out to rollerblade to get some anger out, which I did, but the anger quickly turned to tears that I could not stop. My own personal defeat. It's not anything I can really explain. I only feel it within the depths of my soul.
This has been such a whirlwind..I mean I just got home. This whole mess has taken it's toll. This whole last treatment has caused stress on my marriage, emotions, and finances. I honestly don't know where to turn at this moment. I do not know which direction to pursue. End the quest for Motherhood? I surely do not know.
I will take the rest of the day to myself.
I intend to have a blown out Pity~Party for myself and unfortunately none of you are invited.
I realize that this blog has been something only a Mother, Sister, Aunt, Cousin and a few Best Friends could love, but honestly without your never ending support and continued love it wouldn't have been the same journey for me. Obviously we all wanted a different outcome, but it's not to be. I don't know why. Do not cry when you see me. The phone is off. I just need a few days.
(mom I'll be fine & I love you)
Love always, everyday, all day,
Jennifer
The transition of settling in the last few days at home have been pretty seemless. Still taking it easy per the doctors orders, only doing mundane things such as laundry. I did however go and see the girls at BBY for our last luncheon. The new owners take over on Sunday. I will stay on the schedule and see how it goes. I desperately need to catch up after this trip. The girls were so excited to see me. I have such awesome friends. They have been so supportive. I missed them just as much as they've missed me. I brought the cake with "Thanks for the Memories" written on it, as you can see below. Very festive. It was truly bittersweet. The end of BBY. AWWWWWWW...We all hope to see some positive changes in the future. It's been a great 12 yrs for me over there. Priceless!!!
I left BBY to run some errands. I got a call from Lisa telling me she was worried about her progesterone intake thinking that it's not enough. She rushed to her old REs (reproductive Endocrinologist) and they told her she was low. I then called my RE to tell them I was back from Czech and to see if I should take another progesterone and also ask if they would do my pregnancy test on Thursday June 5th. Of course they are so accommodating and said "YES", they would do that for me. (If only they were cheaper, you know I would have stayed here in the states and continued my treatment with them) The nurse told me to take another progesterone.
I went to Trishs and all of a sudden I was feeling very crampy. I then went straight home and did the progesterone as directed. I noticed a little spotting. Nothing to be too panicky about as it looked like old blood which is common for IVF patients, being that the treatment is so invasive. Yesterday was 8 days past 5 day transfer. (BIG SIGH)
DH came in and I told him what was going on and he was a little worried. He mentioned I should call Craig (our ivf company handling our treatment overseas) Craig reminded me that it's normal to have some spotting. Also, to keep taking the Prednisone (anti-rejection) So I didn't fret much, just layed down and rested. And Prayed..And Hoped...And Dreamt..And Worried....
It's with a Heavy Heart & Burning Tears that I announce to you all that it is truly over. My cycle started very early this morning. It's not just spotting any longer. I cannot deny it. I cannot continue to look on the internet or call the Doctor for a different answer other than the one that I know in my heart to be true. I will not make the scheduled June 5th pregnancy test. None of those Beautiful Blastocysts implanted.
I've been kinda numb all day. Partly stunned. I did go straight out to rollerblade to get some anger out, which I did, but the anger quickly turned to tears that I could not stop. My own personal defeat. It's not anything I can really explain. I only feel it within the depths of my soul.
This has been such a whirlwind..I mean I just got home. This whole mess has taken it's toll. This whole last treatment has caused stress on my marriage, emotions, and finances. I honestly don't know where to turn at this moment. I do not know which direction to pursue. End the quest for Motherhood? I surely do not know.
I will take the rest of the day to myself.
I intend to have a blown out Pity~Party for myself and unfortunately none of you are invited.
I realize that this blog has been something only a Mother, Sister, Aunt, Cousin and a few Best Friends could love, but honestly without your never ending support and continued love it wouldn't have been the same journey for me. Obviously we all wanted a different outcome, but it's not to be. I don't know why. Do not cry when you see me. The phone is off. I just need a few days.
(mom I'll be fine & I love you)
Love always, everyday, all day,
Jennifer
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Home Sweet Home!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......There is no place like home!!
We got into Miami on time at 2:10 p.m. yesterday (Wednesday) Actually arrived a little early. The flight was Fab!! We ended up getting first class on the 777, which I've only worked, never got the pleasure of flying as a passenger, of course until yesterday! All you do is eat and drink for 9 hours.....It's too much but I guess that is what the first class passengers value the most. It was subperb. I happened to know one of the flight attendants, which kinda made it even a little more special.:)
The ride from Zlin to Prauge actually took 4 hours. We thought we would be late to our first flight, but we made it in the nick of time. Those European drivers are CRAZY!! You think I drive fast?? Ha-I got nothing on those people!!! We flew to London and stayed the night. Conrad, Lisas husband took me with them to see his grandmother on the outskirts of London to a town called Balcombe. Sooo beautiful. His grandmother is in a care home.Her name is Peggy and she is 97. This home was made for a woman by her lover many moons ago. It's unbelievable. If you look staight to the picture her room actually is to the right on the bottom. There are 40 rooms for the elderly. Spectacular. The picture of myself is in one of the sitting rooms. The other is a fountain with little cherubs. Cute!!!
**This page is mostly just a wrap from the last few days, including some pics I thought you all might like***
The visit was quite special. We then went and had the normal fish & chip dinner at a local pub. I definately would like to spend more time in London, eventually.
The next picture below is outside the Catholic church in downtown Zlin after mass on Sunday. Then we have myself in a feeding frenzy. This particular dessert was called Hot Love. Warm raspberries with ice cream and whip cream...YUMMY!!! These group of women are all in the same boat of IVF together. We were lucky to have had dinner a few times to talk about the ups and downs of IVF and our daily excitements and challanges. They were great!!!
On our last day we went over the border of Slovakia just so we could say we did. Then on the return we stopped at a cemetary. Check out the landscaping on these plots. I could hardly believe my eyes on how well they are taken care of.
Then of course you can see that Jesus is EVERYWHERE. And I mean Everywhere. Along the road, in the church, on the sides of houses, in the park, in the fountain. Really everywhere!!! These next shots are still at the same cemetary. It was overlooking a valley. Very beautiful. You can see the difference between the older cross of Jesus and the newer one. The moment gives one a sense of reflection.
These plots include whole families. Aren't these gravesights amazing?? My own Grandparents don't even have that!
Of course the trip wouldn't be complete without a little Greek dining. Soulvaki, MY FAVORITE!!! I'll have to work on finding a place to eat this favorite dish on my own turf:)
Yummy, Yummy for my Tummy!!!! It's so funny. You can be a million miles from home and still find a KFC and a McDonalds. Both very poplular here in the Czech. Not forgetting finding the little Greek Diner....LOL Awwwwww
Can you believe these are mustard fields??? Who knew!!! I thought they were flowers of some sort LOL Quote: "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed...Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
Another Feeding Frenzy of mine!! It's Lemon Sorbet in a sugar rimmed glass. It's suppose to be floating in Tequila, but it's not. Next time....
Isn't he cute? He's gotta bigger tounge than I do..
Little Lion den.. The picture is too far to actually get how magestic and regal they are. A little fun at the Zlin zoo.
The zoo Chateau. Conrad & Lisa....Awwwwww..Cutest couple..
Then of course, no one seems to like Bush over there either....lOL...LOL
This was in Prauge. I'm sitting on the Charles Bridge. I have more pictures on Lisa phone. She'll be making a copy and I will share with you later.
THis is inside St. Vitus!! Utterly amazing!!! Soooo Beautiful!!!!
These are obviously steps!! What you can't see though is a tiny Pizza place tucked in the corner......
So now you've probably had enoguh of my slide show. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks again for your interest.
Love you guys..
Hope to have some good news for you soon!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Love Jennifer:)
We got into Miami on time at 2:10 p.m. yesterday (Wednesday) Actually arrived a little early. The flight was Fab!! We ended up getting first class on the 777, which I've only worked, never got the pleasure of flying as a passenger, of course until yesterday! All you do is eat and drink for 9 hours.....It's too much but I guess that is what the first class passengers value the most. It was subperb. I happened to know one of the flight attendants, which kinda made it even a little more special.:)
The ride from Zlin to Prauge actually took 4 hours. We thought we would be late to our first flight, but we made it in the nick of time. Those European drivers are CRAZY!! You think I drive fast?? Ha-I got nothing on those people!!! We flew to London and stayed the night. Conrad, Lisas husband took me with them to see his grandmother on the outskirts of London to a town called Balcombe. Sooo beautiful. His grandmother is in a care home.Her name is Peggy and she is 97. This home was made for a woman by her lover many moons ago. It's unbelievable. If you look staight to the picture her room actually is to the right on the bottom. There are 40 rooms for the elderly. Spectacular. The picture of myself is in one of the sitting rooms. The other is a fountain with little cherubs. Cute!!!
**This page is mostly just a wrap from the last few days, including some pics I thought you all might like***
The visit was quite special. We then went and had the normal fish & chip dinner at a local pub. I definately would like to spend more time in London, eventually.
The next picture below is outside the Catholic church in downtown Zlin after mass on Sunday. Then we have myself in a feeding frenzy. This particular dessert was called Hot Love. Warm raspberries with ice cream and whip cream...YUMMY!!! These group of women are all in the same boat of IVF together. We were lucky to have had dinner a few times to talk about the ups and downs of IVF and our daily excitements and challanges. They were great!!!
On our last day we went over the border of Slovakia just so we could say we did. Then on the return we stopped at a cemetary. Check out the landscaping on these plots. I could hardly believe my eyes on how well they are taken care of.
Then of course you can see that Jesus is EVERYWHERE. And I mean Everywhere. Along the road, in the church, on the sides of houses, in the park, in the fountain. Really everywhere!!! These next shots are still at the same cemetary. It was overlooking a valley. Very beautiful. You can see the difference between the older cross of Jesus and the newer one. The moment gives one a sense of reflection.
These plots include whole families. Aren't these gravesights amazing?? My own Grandparents don't even have that!
Of course the trip wouldn't be complete without a little Greek dining. Soulvaki, MY FAVORITE!!! I'll have to work on finding a place to eat this favorite dish on my own turf:)
Yummy, Yummy for my Tummy!!!! It's so funny. You can be a million miles from home and still find a KFC and a McDonalds. Both very poplular here in the Czech. Not forgetting finding the little Greek Diner....LOL Awwwwww
Can you believe these are mustard fields??? Who knew!!! I thought they were flowers of some sort LOL Quote: "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed...Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
Another Feeding Frenzy of mine!! It's Lemon Sorbet in a sugar rimmed glass. It's suppose to be floating in Tequila, but it's not. Next time....
Isn't he cute? He's gotta bigger tounge than I do..
Little Lion den.. The picture is too far to actually get how magestic and regal they are. A little fun at the Zlin zoo.
The zoo Chateau. Conrad & Lisa....Awwwwww..Cutest couple..
Then of course, no one seems to like Bush over there either....lOL...LOL
This was in Prauge. I'm sitting on the Charles Bridge. I have more pictures on Lisa phone. She'll be making a copy and I will share with you later.
THis is inside St. Vitus!! Utterly amazing!!! Soooo Beautiful!!!!
These are obviously steps!! What you can't see though is a tiny Pizza place tucked in the corner......So now you've probably had enoguh of my slide show. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks again for your interest.
Love you guys..
Hope to have some good news for you soon!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Love Jennifer:)
Monday, May 26, 2008
Last Day in Zlin, Czech Republic!
Hi Everyone,
I've been taking it easy the last few days per the Dr. I only go on little walks and small drive-bys by any window with shoes in it. Ha-Ha! And of course eat like a barbarian. Lisa, Conrad and I have been driving around as well. Today we went over the Slovakia border just so we could say that we did. Yesterday I went to Mass at the Catholic church, downtown. It was very sweet. Actually, I can't wait to get out of here. I am all Czech Republiced out. I probably could have gone home a few days ago, but I didn't want to chance the long ride home and the stress that accompanies it.
I've been feeling o.k. I do not think I have any pregnancy symptoms. I think it's too soon anyway. I've started bargaining with myself about wheather or not I could be pregnant. Mostly my mind tells me "No, it's too good to be true". The other part tells me if I'm not pregnant I could take the news better than being pregnant and then miscarrying it at a later date like last time. So just another rollercoaster ride. It could go either way as we all know. As I've said before, I've done everything I could possibly do, there is nothing else. It's all in the universes hands. In Gods hands. Certainly not in mine.
This experience also isn't the vacation I've dreamed about, but I will say I have tried to make the most of it. I have made a few friends along the way and have seen some really beautiful places. Really beautiful. I wish I could post some pics now, but alas, I'm not on my computer. I will when I get home on Wednesday. I'm leaving first thing in the morning for the treck home. Yay, O, Yay.......
In other news I've decided to keep the date of the pregnancy test to myself at this time, however, I want to get some opinions on what you guys think I should do.(It's still many weeks off)
I am facing the dilemma of going to the Dr. and taking the blood test that says Yay or Nay, or just waiting it out like normal women do. I could just wait it out and see if a normal cycle starts to confirm a BFN/P (Big Fat Negative/Positive) OR I could go to my old RE (reproductive Endocrinologist) and have the blood test done (not forgetting the fact that he didn't want me to come here, then I have to risk hearing, "I told you so" if it's BFN) Or I could just go to the OBGYN and have him do it. I hear you all saying you think I wouldn't be able to wait. But the truth is, is that I'm scared. Big Scaredy Cat Jennifer...... It's back to one second at a time......Ugghhhhh, so frustrating......I'm sorry if I seem to be in a negative way, but I'm just trying to be realistic. (Big Sigh)
I want to mention my many thanks to ALL of you who have kept up with the blog and supported me while I've been so far away from anything familiar. (except sunshine and dandilions, LOL) It's helped me tremendously to read your comments and hear your prayers for me and my future family. I never could have imagined being in a situation like this. T*H*A*N*K*Y*O*U....... So I will sign off on that note with love and kisses. I look forward to land of free ketchup and the home of the brave, The beautiful U.S.A, Land that I love!!!
Love Jennifer Shu*k
xoxoxxo
P.S. I didn't get any souveniers for anyone. The only souvenier I wanna bring you guys is a healthy pregnancy....Thanks in advance.....:)
I've been taking it easy the last few days per the Dr. I only go on little walks and small drive-bys by any window with shoes in it. Ha-Ha! And of course eat like a barbarian. Lisa, Conrad and I have been driving around as well. Today we went over the Slovakia border just so we could say that we did. Yesterday I went to Mass at the Catholic church, downtown. It was very sweet. Actually, I can't wait to get out of here. I am all Czech Republiced out. I probably could have gone home a few days ago, but I didn't want to chance the long ride home and the stress that accompanies it.
I've been feeling o.k. I do not think I have any pregnancy symptoms. I think it's too soon anyway. I've started bargaining with myself about wheather or not I could be pregnant. Mostly my mind tells me "No, it's too good to be true". The other part tells me if I'm not pregnant I could take the news better than being pregnant and then miscarrying it at a later date like last time. So just another rollercoaster ride. It could go either way as we all know. As I've said before, I've done everything I could possibly do, there is nothing else. It's all in the universes hands. In Gods hands. Certainly not in mine.
This experience also isn't the vacation I've dreamed about, but I will say I have tried to make the most of it. I have made a few friends along the way and have seen some really beautiful places. Really beautiful. I wish I could post some pics now, but alas, I'm not on my computer. I will when I get home on Wednesday. I'm leaving first thing in the morning for the treck home. Yay, O, Yay.......
In other news I've decided to keep the date of the pregnancy test to myself at this time, however, I want to get some opinions on what you guys think I should do.(It's still many weeks off)
I am facing the dilemma of going to the Dr. and taking the blood test that says Yay or Nay, or just waiting it out like normal women do. I could just wait it out and see if a normal cycle starts to confirm a BFN/P (Big Fat Negative/Positive) OR I could go to my old RE (reproductive Endocrinologist) and have the blood test done (not forgetting the fact that he didn't want me to come here, then I have to risk hearing, "I told you so" if it's BFN) Or I could just go to the OBGYN and have him do it. I hear you all saying you think I wouldn't be able to wait. But the truth is, is that I'm scared. Big Scaredy Cat Jennifer...... It's back to one second at a time......Ugghhhhh, so frustrating......I'm sorry if I seem to be in a negative way, but I'm just trying to be realistic. (Big Sigh)
I want to mention my many thanks to ALL of you who have kept up with the blog and supported me while I've been so far away from anything familiar. (except sunshine and dandilions, LOL) It's helped me tremendously to read your comments and hear your prayers for me and my future family. I never could have imagined being in a situation like this. T*H*A*N*K*Y*O*U....... So I will sign off on that note with love and kisses. I look forward to land of free ketchup and the home of the brave, The beautiful U.S.A, Land that I love!!!
Love Jennifer Shu*k
xoxoxxo
P.S. I didn't get any souveniers for anyone. The only souvenier I wanna bring you guys is a healthy pregnancy....Thanks in advance.....:)
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