Eva & Angie

I recieved the nicest luncheon from my girlfriends yesterday. They were so sweet to think of me and make time for me before I leave on Friday. Leave it to Angie! I'm sure to get prego now with the lucky Frog she gave me...All I have to do is keep rubbing it. LOL Meditation CDs, a beautiful garnet bracelet (it's a sign for birthing) lots of books to read and a send off full of love and hope. Awwwwwww...tears were shed.

THANK YOU, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT.....XOXOXO I WILL MISS YOU AND BBY TOO....BOO HOO......BOO HOO HOO........

On to bigger and better as they say.

I think my suitcase is finally packed. Packed with too much s*iT. There is no other way around it, I NEED all that stuff in there, so it will have to do.
We bought direct tickets on BA so as to not have to connect through JFK or ORD. They were very reasonable so the direct flight to LHR is preferable. All the flights are in place. I have last minute duties in the afternoon, then off to meet my boss for lunch. So sweet of her to take time for me as well.

Feeling very productive although very tired.....

Sweet dreams.

9 Days 2 Go

The days are sure flying by now. All of a sudden the calender is full of tiny, little things to wrap up. I need a cross-checker, no, not cross-dresser LOL....cross-checker, to make sure I'm thinking of everything. If only Josh could do that... Ha! And so I balk at myself.

I went to the inlaws BBQ the other day. Great food, good to see the kids, but are u effing kidding me? Sil asks me, "what are you going to the Czech for" Let me think.........Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.......to visit?? Uh not my first choice in vacation when I can go anywhere in the world I please. I mean how can one be so aloof? I just don't get it. It is so frustrating. O, btw she is prego herself don't forget. I talked to DH about my position in this baby shower matter. I don't think so.......OMG...I can't believe they could be soooo insensitive. Even mil tells the kids....Josh and Jen are going to Russia to get a baby.......WTF...Is it just me? It can't be, can it???? I had the talk to mil already that we are not going to Russia. Can't they realize the seriousness of this situation? I've been planning this for months. Every last penny is tied up. All the finacial stability is going, going, gone......this SUCKS....Part of me wants OUT, completely, OUT......Why should I have all the pressure? I know, because I created my OWN situtation................
Great Jennifer, nice one.

9 days left......

S T R E S S E D

I'm beginning to think this trip is a No-Go. Josh & I are fighting. Really bad. I am totally stressed out and am not feeling like I should be for someone who is about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. My future and my marriage is riding on this whole trip. This whole idea has become almost too much for me to bear right now. I've been crying, I feel so unsure. I don't feel supported at all by Josh. I'm sure most of this is because of the fights we had this whole past week.
Everything is just about in place. I got the bid leave I requested. I only have one day that is in question, but I should be able to manage around that after a talk w/ my supervisor. I will try to talk to DH tonight about what he is feeling and needing right now. I want to see if he really has it in him to go in real life. It's one thing to PLAN it, a complete other to actually DO it. In the meantime, I will try to focus on the end result, which would be bringing a brand new life into this world.

God Help Me right now.

Nervous

Hi all....O.k.....I'm starting to get really nervous. I tried to start packing today and I can get NOTHING done. I can't figure out which suitcase to bring, what to pack. It's like I can't even use my brain right now. I feel frozen.
On the other side of the coin I'm feling extremely positive. So many positive things coming from the girls just leaving Zlin. One woman is pregnant with triplets. Two identical and one singleton. Can you imagine? Amazing.

Onceuponalife

To all of you @ Onceuponalife, I wanted to THANKYOU ALL for your continued support and encouragement, tears and fears, BFP & BFNs throughout the last few years. I have enjoyed the website immensly and would not have gotten through alot of my infertility struggles without having you all right at my fingertips whenever I chose. Unfortunately I will not renew the subscrip as I need more base support for my upcoming battle with IVF. I will still check the site periodically, wondering what your all up to, but will not be able to post. I wish you all very happy, healthy pregnancies in the future and I will miss you!!

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

Jennifer

Eat, Love, Pray

I've started a new book with a whole new outlook on life. Eat, Love, Pray is the title. I got rid of the psychokillers, they really had to go. LOL This book is about one womans journey to love herself and not fall victim to societys view of the way a womans life should be. (Career, marriage, babies, big house in the suburbs, etc) I'll report more on how the story progresses later. It is very interesting thus far. A passenger gave it to me, it's probably just what I need at this time of such uncertainty. It just may be the universes way of reminding me not to set myself up. May be too late for that.

Anxiety

Today I have overwhelming feelings of anxiety. I'm not sure I can do this again. It's so far away and anything can go wrong. I don'tknow what has happened to me. I'm sure these feelings will pass. I hope so. I have to stop reading those James Patterson books. I can't sleep at night. They are freaking me out. I keep thinking of that movie Hostel. I think I'm just having a moment.